You wouldn’t think it would be possible to make the Star Wars holiday special worse. I mean, some things just can’t be done right? Ostriches can’t fly. Water can’t be dry. John Scalzi will never write a decent book. And the Star Wars Holiday Special could not possibly get any worse.
And Mickey the Great and Terrible cried out to the heavens , “CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!”
“The LEGO Star Wars Holiday Special, — which premieres on Life Day, November 17, 2020 on Disney+, — will reunite Rey, Finn, Poe, Chewie, Rose and all your favorite droids, from R2-D2 to BB-8, for a joyous feast on Life Day, the holiday first introduced in 1978’s Star Wars Holiday Special.”
First of all, the original Holiday Special was so bad even George Lucas noticed. It was banned from cannon and damn near from existence. To this day the only copies available are clones from old VHS tapes of the original broadcast.
Second, I thought we were done with Rey, Finn and Poe and Oh yeah, Rose. The fact that the Fab Four are making an appearance this fall indicates that Kathleen Kennedy’s corpse is still kicking.
The original Star Wars Holiday Special was indeed bad, but it was understandably bad. It was a product of its time. If you look at any of the Star Wars TV sketches from 1978, They are really no worse than the Holiday Special. If you look at the credits, the whole thing was mostly produced by the Carol Burnett Show’s production crew. The Holidy Special was a 1970s variety show and the primary market for those were World War 2 veterans in their 50s. A drag skit starring Harvey Korman was standard “funny,” in those days.
Although there were a few things that took this show to a whole new level of unintential bad. Having Chewbacca’s entire family speak in Wookie without subtitles for one. And there were elements that aged rather badly over the years. In particular Grampa Itchy’s fantasy woman sequence with Diane Carrol. It was innocent enough in 1978, because in 1978 porn was not yet something that was provided by computers. However, succeeding generations can’t look at that sequence without feeling deeply uncomfortable .
But still Disney can’t make any of this any worse right? RIGHT?
Yeah, here’s the plot.
The Abrams Scooby Gang is on Kashyyyk, getting ready for life day. Rey Skywalker, (damn it, I just threw up in my keyboard) for reasons of plot contrivance is visiting some mysterious Jedi temple, and is somehow thrown through the “veil of the Force” back in time. Where apparently, she is going to relive the most beloved moments from the first 6 movies. And of course, she will be responsible for anything that went mysteriously right during that time. By the time he was at the Deathstar, Obi Wan was too weak with the Force to actually distract the stormtroopers when he was disabling the tractor field, it was Rey who did that! It was Rey who piloted Queen Padma’s yacht to Tattooine. It was Rey who saved Luke from the sand people she just let Obi-wan take credit for it.
And speaking of Luke…
She will also get to meet Luke again Only this time it’s apprentice Luke and she will be the Jedi master who inspires him. You already know where this is going don’t you? Rey is going to be the one who fixes Luke Skywalker.
Sure, it’s only a Lego show. Sure, it’s never going to be considered canon. But there is no getting around it this is going to be Kathleen Kennedy’s final “fuck you” to the fans as she walks out the door at Lucasfilm.
At least we’ll finally get to see how Lumpy turned out.
Okay, I’m done here.