Rian “Roundhead” Johnson. The man who single handedly destroyed the biggest movie franchise on the planet for the last fourty years, has delivered a new film to his army of groveling fellators wearing out their kneepads at Rotten Tomatoes.
No need to remind you all, if it’s pulling 100% fresh at RT, you know it’s rotten to it’s core.
The recurring refrain is telling isn’t it. Go round up as many Woke friends as you can to go see this cause if we are being honest here, the “zingers” here are just a bunch of golf clap jokes directed against the same people who thought The Last Jedi smelled worse than a week old mountain of hog guts in July. It’s not going to make any money without a lot of help from everyone, so do your part.
Besides you’ll have a good time. We’re critics! We know what’s funny. We’re the same guys that gave Dave Chappelle a 0% fresh.
Indeed and truly, I couldn’t care less what SJWs do to themselves to prove how Woke they are. Knives Out runs for one hundred thirty minutes and if it’s anything at all like last Jedi. They are really, REALLY going to feel them.
However if it’s anywhere near as Anti-MAGA as the critics are saying it is then it’s probably a shoe-in for best picture at the Oscars, with Johnson himself taking Best Director.
Mind you, if Knives Out does good business and Johnson does win those awards, and (most important of all) if Star Wars IX does well enough to preserve Kathleen Kennedy’s job.* Johnson may indeed be allowed to start work on that new Star Wars trilogy he threatened us with.
The first one won’t make any money but I guarantee it will pull 100% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes.
*Yeah, I’m not worried about Star Wars IX making a dime at the box-office either. Indeed and truly, even the greatest story teller in the world couldn’t salvage this third trilogy. There is no narrative structure at this point. Rey does not have a story to tell thanks to Johnson. And J.J. Abrams isn’t good at stories all. He just tells half a story and starts tapping dancing around his Mystery Boxes. More on Abrams later.