Star Wars the High Republic…Yeah It’s Gonna Suck

I don’t know how Kathleen Kennedy has managed to keep her job but this piece of shit has her fingerprints all over it.

Behold the trailer.

Here is a screencap of the sausage making process that will result in Star Wars The High Republic.

What have these diverse feminist voices that love Star Wars come up with?

They have come up with the kind of shit you would find at a Community College freshmen writer’s workshop.

Diversity was the third most important thing this writer’s room pasted on their Fiction category. This is what is most important to their art and it’s politics. Admittedly, Diversity is an improvement over “surprise,” I’ll give it that much.

I am not seeing the words.”protagonist,” “story arc” or the really advanced, “directed antagonism” anywhere.

I am seeing a lot of, what looks like, garbage to me.

“Relatable Characters.” It is little short of unbelievable to me that someone felt this needed to be mentioned. These people are going to be making pretty decent money, to turn in professional writing and this is what they are doing to earn it.

“Sweeping Epic” isn’t bad except that was never Star Wars. There were a few big battle scenes here and there but it was usually more about intimate stories rather than big ones. Luke’s struggle to learn the ways of force. Anakin’s pain as had to decide between the Order and the woman he loved, (okay Lucas did that one badly but it was a story).

“Feelings.” Oh dear, what about colors, smells and tastes?!?!?!

But it’s the second category that shrieks Harry Potter fangirls who landed a Star Wars writing gig. The heart emoji is the Deathstar sized hint there. I think this is the list that is to be the reminder about what Star Wars is supposed to be about because they honestly can’t remember themselves.

“So remember girls and men who identify as girls it may have Wars in the title (and no we can’t change that I asked), but this show is ‘not Pro-War.’ Now I need some words that just scream Star Wars so let me have a few!”

“Dryads!”

“Starship battles and lasersword fights!”

“The Force!”

“Oh good one Briseida! Ravenclaw just caught the Golden Snitch.”

“That’s so unfair to us Hufflepuffs! We never win anything!

Star Wars The High Republic is clearly going to be yet another Kathleen Kennedy nightmare of Star Wars canon fuckage.

Yeah, it’s gonna suck!

7 thoughts on “Star Wars the High Republic…Yeah It’s Gonna Suck

  1. It’s pretty funny that they’ve been forced to resort to a big time jump just to get away from their own terrible stories. Even funnier that they had to go backwards in time to before they screwed everything up. They know they can’t fix what Jar Jar and Roundhead did, even with 200 years to work with.

    Reminds me of Mass Effect 3 and Andromeda. After this next thing fails, what do you think — we follow some Jedi to the next galaxy?

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  2. But they want dinosaurs and Hogwarts…sorry university. The problem is none of these people have lived a life outside of their bubble. Add to that they’ve never read anything but Harry Potter and you get this list.

    Slightly OT: I read a Popular Mechanics article yesterday about DARPA researching a nuclear thrust engine. It had a Harry Potter reference in it.

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  3. “no single (main) character”

    What? I know they’ve never seen the OT, but surely they’ve heard about it? Luke is absolutely the main character in Star Wars. Han became the favorite of many fans, and you could argue that he becomes 1B to Luke’s 1A in Empire, but then he’s barely a supporting character in RotJ. As a trilogy it’s the story of Luke, with a B-plot of Han learning to love and care about others.

    In TPM, Plinkett had some fun with the fact that there’s no clear protagonist. But in the other two prequel movies, Anakin clearly is. It *should* have been the story of Obi-Wan, but it wasn’t. He has to be too clueless to let Anakin follow his path, so Obi-Wan is just kind of there.

    In Disney Wars, Rey was clearly intended to be the main character, as a superior grrl-power replacement for Luke in the OT. If people don’t think of her that way, it’s down to the lack of planning and scattered writing and general boring-ness of a Mary Sue character.

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  4. This is a classic case of an employee who SHOULD be fired getting reassigned where they can do less damage because they’re protected somehow (here’s a hint: no male Hollywood executive wants to fire the most powerful woman in Hollywood in the age of PoundMeToo.)

    The good news is that I can go right on ignoring this silly crap like I do with the rest of the Disney canon or the other 90% of the Star Wars EU that’s a shining example of Sturgeon’s Law.

    Methinks that this is a Mando-like attempt to salvage what the GoT guys were working on when they left the Devil Mouse at the altar/got canned by KK. Wasn’t a KOTOR movie in development?

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  5. Why the hell is diversity down at #3?! Someone get N.K. Jemisin on the phone, stat! What? I KNOW she won the Hugo award for best novel three fucking years in a row, that’s why we NEED her! No, I don’t care what it costs, I want her working on this script before lunch! The picture of the dry-erase board is OUT THERE people, and it has diversity at #3! Tell Jemisin we’ll make Anna look like her in Frozen III. Well, YEAH we were gonna diversitize Anna in Frozen III, but Jemisin doesn’t know that, idiot! And get me some more coffee, extra cream and adrenochrome.

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