You can’t satirize the works of JJ Abrams anymore. No matter what you come up with to make fun of him, he’s going to show you by going light years over the top and into ethereal realms unknown to any film maker that went before him.
It feels like his brainstorming sessions, involve gargantuan mountains of LSD.
C3PO: I wish to take one last look…at my friends, sir.
JJ, honey, there is this thing called establishing relationships between your characters. You don’t just have them hug and cry because that’s what the emotional beat is supposed to be, not without creating a bond. Nothing was stupider than Leia ignoring Chewbacca to hug some girl she had never seen in life. Until, we see this droid who has been treated like a can opener for forty years suddenly talking about “his friends.”
Then there is the backward lightsaber grip, that everyone is doing now. Swords are not icepicks you tool!
Riding horses across the deck of spaceship…in space. I’ve been trying to come up with something dumber for twenty minutes now and I’ve given up in despair.
Remember when we thought JJ Abrams might deliver something good? I mean it was years ago, before the Force Awakens, but I seem to remember there was time that we thought he might come up with something good.
But now it feels like we are playing Fortnite.
You know what I’m talking about, right? That moment in Fortnite where you know, you’ve been killed. You’ve taken fatal damage and the rest of your team is dead, so no one can revive you. But you are still crawling around on the ground waiting for the clock to run out.
That’s what is like waiting for The Rise of Skywalker to be released