Tesla’s New…Truck?

You think I’m joking, don’t you.

Here are the claimed stats by Tesla for this….thing.

Top of the line model:

Range: 500+ miles

Towing: 14,000 lbs

Zero to Sixty: 2.9

Clearance: 16 inches

Approach: 35 degrees

Departure: 28 degrees

Which in theory is all awesome sauce and as embarrassing as it to admit, this….thing, excites my inner tweleve year old in a way, that I didn’t think he could be excited anymore. However the critical question is, is it 500 miles while towing 14,000 lbs?

The last thing I need is to be stuck out of juice up in the upper peninsula with a trailer full of angry Berkshires and rednecks laughing their ass off as they pass by me in their rusted out square bodies.

Although the approach and departure degrees tell you what this thing really is, which is a California rock crawler.

Regardless, you can reserve yours now if you give Tesla an interest free loan.

While I do see the advantages of this thing in a world where it may well be easier to generate electricity than scavenge fuel, I think I’ll wait for the reviews to come in…maybe.

Of course if you want a Tesla truck today you could always make your own.

4 thoughts on “Tesla’s New…Truck?

  1. Uh, gee Tennessee, I’m not so sure about generating electricity unless you have a hydro dam and powerhouse to work from. If you can’t scavenge liquid fuel or LPG/CNG, how are you gonna get coal to those power plants? If it’s NG, who’s gonna make dure no one turns off the valve somewhere else? Better ask Prof. Whoopee again.

    — Chumley the Walrus, power systems tusker

    Same thoughts about the 14k lb towing capability. A smarter entity would design a gasoline- or diesel- electric generation system and battery pack, like a conventional submarine, but that’s ancient tech, almost 19th century gaspunk.


    1. The problem with petrol is simple enough. It’s going to be unusable in a very short time.

      Modern engines are very fussy eaters.

      Maybe if you can find an old enough diesel engine and filter the hell out of the fuel you scav, you ‘ll be in business…for about a hundred and fifty miles and then that’s going to be clogged too.

      As for electricity you just need something that will power a 120 volt socket at 20 amps.

      You don’t need to dam a river for that kind of juice.

      Admittedly there could be other issues that could be a show stopper. The simplest would be required software updates from Tesla.

      And stop imitating Chumley!!!


  2. yeah, uh huh.

    i want to see this thing pull 14k up the Eisenhower ( west of Denver CO ) or Cabbage Patch ( east of Pendleton OR ) grades. or hell, even Rabbit Ears CO or Lolo MT.

    you’re going to look pretty damn stupid halfway up a mountain and no place to charge.

    i’m expecting the rest of the truck to work about as well as the impact resistant glass.


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